Nettle
by TayvieNoon
Summary: Craig Tucker is handsome and irritated while living in South Park. His life is going nowhere and he hates it. Eventually, when someone from Craig's past returns, Craig, has to revisit his darker days but he may be too nettled to do so. [explicit]
1. Don't Be

I sigh, sick of rolling around on my bed. I glance at the clock and the red numbers 3:47 mock me. It's almost four in the morning. I kick off the covers like a child and get up. I forgo turning on my lamp because fuck that, I can navigate in the dark. I manage to make it to the bathroom that is in my basement turned room. I never thank Clyde enough for convincing his dad to allow this. I flick on the light switch and look into the mirror. I don't look too bad. For just being in Red Racer boxers that I had to order off Amazon from Japan I look pretty sexy. I admire my tattoo sleeve that I got when I was seventeen. A giant graveyard with dancing skeletons. Most people seem intrigued but most snobs retort with "That will be on your skin forever bullshit". No fucking shit, I chuckle to myself while I splash cold water on my face. I wish I could afford more tattoos but it's not easy with my Tweak Bro's salary and not having a degree. I debate getting a shower but that would wake up Clyde and he'd either bitch at me or make me do something. I turn off the lights and head back to my bed. I pick up my phone knowing my co-worker is a nocturnal shit.

**Me: Yo Tweek.**

**Tweekers: WHAT**

Tweek has had a habit to text in all caps since Clyde and I laugh at him when he gets extremely flustered and shouts. I grin.

**Me: I'm bored and can't sleep. Let me come over so we can go into work together.**

**Tweekers: You're always fucking bored Craig, fine.**

Tweek and I share a shift from seven to three when he doesn't have a class at the North Park community college. I picked up the job two years ago after I felt guilty for free-loading off of Clyde and his dad for so long. I pull open my drawers and pull out a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I get dressed in the dark. I slip on my socks and shoes and don't even bother re-tying my shoes. I try and walk upstairs as quietly as possible and grab a hoodie from the coat closet. The Donovan's are pretty organized for being a family of two dudes. Well three dudes. I try and close the front door as lightly as possible.

* * *

I'm in no rush so I attempt to admire the changing fall weather. I check my phone and note that Halloween is four weeks away. I fucking love Halloween. Dressing up and scaring the shit out of people always entertained me ever since I was little. The snow on the ground isn't too hazardous so I make it to Tweek's house in about fifteen minutes considering he's only two blocks away from Clyde's house. Once I walk onto the driveway Tweek's slender frame appears from behind the front door with a mug in his hand. I smile and run up. He lets me in and he already smells like coffee.

"Hey" I say to announce my presence and Tweek leads me to his room.

He lets me in and it's blisteringly hot in his bedroom that I immediately shed my light blue hoodie. Tweek is already sitting back on his bed where his laptop is paused on a strange anime.

"Jesus Christ it's fucking hot in here." I bluntly tell him.

"Yeah, its my fucking room." Tweek smiles and puts his mug on his bedside table.

Tweek has mellowed out over the years with the right therapist and less heavy medication. It makes him much easier to be around.

"Your shirt is inside out dumb ass." Tweek stands up and pulls off my shirt for me. I feel my cheeks flush.

"If you're so hot then just keep your shirt off then." He says while biting his lip. Tweek could be such a tease. So I pull into to kiss him. Tweek was only three inches shorter than I was but it was still a bit awkward. Tweek isn't innocent though I've seen him get really drunk when he and Kenny come into Clyde's basement, my room, to get smashed. I'll never forget the time when Kenny was passed out on the couch and Tweek thought I was too when he started sucking Clyde's dick.

"What's with you?" Tweek asks wiping his mouth.

"Nothing." I feel embarrassed.

I start watching Tweek's anime with him until it's time for work. After a few episodes I pass out.

Tweek shakes my shoulder to wake me up. I get dressed as Tweek showers. I look around his room. It hasn't changed much since we were kids. Some papers tacked on his green walls with big one hundreds on it from high school. He must be proud. Tweek was smart but going away to a college that wasn't thirty minutes away from his house was a big stern no from Tweek. Too much pressure he says. I feel jealous. I wish I was that smart so I could get the fuck out of South Park. I get why Tweek needs to stay home though. Tweek returns from his shower in just a towel and he is pink from the harsh hot water. He offers me to shower but I decline.

"Turn around." Tweek motions to me so I don't see him naked.

"It's no big deal. Geez. It's not like I haven't seen you naked before." I roll my eyes and am tempted to flip him off.

"Sure, Casanova." He turns around, drops the towel and quickly slips on his briefs. Tweek's ass looks good."Stop staring pervert." He sticks his tongue out.

"No." I smile.

* * *

Tweek and I like to walk to work when it's not freezing our balls off outside. Tweek offers me a cigarette and I accept. I'm a casual smoker. I smoke like two cigarettes a week? It's a treat. Tweek is the handler of my cigarettes since I lose them and I fucking hate when I waste money. There is also the strict no smoking rule where I live and I don't want to upset Clyde or his dad. Tweek doesn't smoke.

"Craig, what's up? You've been acting weird. It's worrying me." Tweek says.

"You're always worrying Tweek."

"So? Why...why did you, never mind." He stutters out. I know what he wants to ask. Why did I kiss him? I was bored, plain and simple. I know he wouldn't get mad because Tweek is obviously gay. We knew since he was fourteen that he fancied men. I want to answer him that I think that I have lost my attraction to women. I can't stay with them long term, I like their tits but guys are more enjoyable to be around for long periods of time.

Lost in my thoughts, we arrive at Tweak's Bros. Tweek and I set up and we stay relatively quiet even when there is not some tension between us. An occasional gasp of surprise when Tweek accidentally knocks something over is the most noise we make when first open at seven in the fucking morning. We get some early customers which are normally the teachers who work at South Park Elementary and High. The only person from there that ever makes small talk with us is Mr. Mackey. He was my counselor during middle school and high school because he moved up with us. He knows what happened during senior year so he's not a stranger. As I am thinking of him, he walks in.

"How are you doing Craig?" He drawls out.

"I'm fine."

"Oh I'll have a just medium latte today. I need to lay off those small cakes you sell, my cholesterol is too high."

"Oh. Your total is $2.65." I feel like I should engage in small talk but I'm too nonplussed to have any to say. I haven't gone to the doctors in years. I don't have health insurance? What should I say to that?

He hands over the money and I tell Tweek the order once he rushes back from storage. The Tweak's are super anal that only the family knows the best Tweek coffee recipe and something about waking up to the right smell or some bullshit Mr. Tweak likes to tell.

Mr. Mackey starts talking again. "Craig, did you know that there is marijuana epidemic in South Park? I'm running an assembly about it today. We're having some cops from North Park come visit."

"Oh I didn't know that. I can promise that I've never tried marijuana." I lie with a cold face.

"Good for you, Craig, young people even your age can become addicted. Drugs are bad!" He says with too much emphasis for the morning.

Tweek brings his coffee to the counter and Mr. Mackey thanks us and is on his way.

"You're such an ass-kisser Craig." Tweek chides me.

"Drugs are bad, mmk?" Tweek laughs at my bad joke.

Tweek and Kenny always like to bake pot brownies whenever Tweek's parents go on a "romantic getaway" for a week out of the year during the holidays.

A couple more customers enter in and it's pretty slow by nine o'clock. People are busy by then.

"I'm sorry." I feel bad that I caught Tweek off guard this morning. It's not like I'm dating a girl right now. My relationship with Red last year was brutal when we fell out. She ran away from South Park to getaway from me.

"Oh. It's cool." Tweek acts like it wasn't a problem but I know he was bothered by it. I can tell I'm his best friend.

The bell rings on the door frame and a man dawned in an army uniform walks in and I can't believe my eyes.

"Hey. Fellas!" He has a boot on his right foot which would signify why he returned.

"Shit, Butters! Ah! How are you!? What happened to your foot?" Tweek bursts through the counter door to talk to Butters.

"I was on duty and shot myself in the foot. It shattered a couple bones." He laughs like he didn't break his foot. "I was rushed back to America and they fixed my foot in Delaware but I'm done my surgery so I can rehabilitate back in South Park with you guys!"

I feel my heart sink. I completely forgot that Butters joined the army after high school. I completely forgot Butters existed. He was my first guy, well everything. He was confused and thought I was cool. I was insecure enough to not tell anyone about us and it died off soon enough.

Throughout the day, Tweek kept Butters occupied because Tweek was more inquisitive about army life than I was and when no one was in the store I would like drawing things. Normally the chairs and tables would suffice as good still arts. Tweek convinced me to hang one in the store once, people seem to admire it. I'm drawing Butters today since he sat in the chair I earlier decided I wanted to draw anyway. He looks so much buffer than the last time I saw him. It was fun to sketch his broad shoulders and buzz cut hair. I showed him when I was finished and he seemed impressed.

"Can I have it?" He implored.

"I want to add color and I don't have any color pencils here right now so not yet." I try to sound upbeat but it comes out monotone. "Come to Clyde's when I'm done, I'll text you."

"I got a new phone number. Let me give it to you." We exchange numbers and I feel slightly good about this.

Butters hangs around for a few hours and even got Tweek's guest room to stay in since he doesn't want to face his father and mother. We asked why but he said he joined the army to get away from them in the first place. I wish I thought of that.

It was 1:30 and Butters decided to drive back to his hotel room where he was staying the past two days to collect his things and put them in the house. Tweek's parents didn't give a shit and were elated for someone to move in. Before I moved in with Clyde I would shack up with Tweek.

"What's up bitches?" Clyde bursts into the coffee shop like a bullet in the chest.

"What Clyde?" I ask while flipping him off.

"Hey don't be rude, cranky. I just had a great idea for my next EP." He announces.

"No one cares about your shitty 8-bit music Clyde. It's gay."

"The 200 people on the internet who bought it care Craig!"

This banter goes on for the next an hour and a half while some regulars who come in like Henrietta, who is still stuck in South Park and Firkle, who we catch skipping school. It must be time for that shitty assembly.

Tweek's parents take over our shift into the night. They comment that they're so excited for Butters being home and safe. My gang, Tweek and Clyde, all leave with me.

"Butters looks ripped man!" Clyde excitedly admits.

"Yeah." I mutter he looks so fucking hot since I last saw him.

Tweek stays silent except for when people with dogs walk by he lets out an eek. We drop him off at his house unceremoniously.

Clyde explains his new "great" idea for his musical "career". I think it's stupid but what am I doing? I nod along trying to feign support. I just hope it doesn't backfire on him. I hate seeing Clyde upset. I really like Clyde, he's loud and can be pushy but I enjoy it. He was the first person that ever cried over me. We were 12 and I fell off my bike and bashed my knee, it was bleeding profusely. While his dad was spraying a disinfectant on my wound, Clyde was bawling. Clyde's a pussy, but he's my pussy.

"Are you hungry? I'm starving." Clyde asked as we got back to our house. It felt weird thinking our house. I always felt as a guest. I know they love me but it's odd. It's like I've been having a three year long sleep over at Clyde's.

"No I'm kind of tired." I yawn.

"Don't sleep the day away Craig. It's not good for you." Clyde scowled at me while grabbing a Tasty-Cake.

"Can I lay on your bed then?" I wanted someone to be next to. I normally ask Clyde to when something is bothering me. He doesn't know what's up but he knows I'm upset. At least he should know.

"Uh, sure." Clyde shrugged and we went upstairs to his room. It was kind of a mess, clothes thrown on the floor, some empty Gatorade bottles occupying the desk like the homeless on a park bench at night.

Clyde grabbed the remote to the TV and put on Family Feud reruns. I hate the stupid people who go on the show and the stupid surveys that they have. I grumbled to myself and got into Clyde's bed. Clyde sat next to me eating his cake and laughing every once in awhile at Steve Harvey.

"What's up man?" He shook my shoulder.

"Nothing. Tired." I shut my eyes so he'll stop talking, I just want something warm next to me.

"Something's bothering you Craig, come on." He laid down so we would be face to face.

"Not now, Clyde."

"Don't bottle things up Craig, it's not good for you."

I sigh. "Not now." I wrap my arms around Clyde. He just rubs my back trying to comfort me. I can't control myself and I instinctively place my lips onto Clyde's. He returns the kiss.

"Oh." He states.

"I'm sorry." I choke out.

"Don't be."

**AN: Hey I got weird inspiration to write this after being a bad person and not ever finishing my other two fanfics I started a long time ago. I apologize but this didn't feel as forced and much more organic. So no promises but I wanted to try again. Thanks for reading!**


	2. Ghost Sounds

I woke up covered in my own drool laying on Clyde's bed. I turned over and he was at his Mac computer his dad bought for him last Christmas. It's pretty cool especially because Clyde can do really cool shit with it, like make music and movies. Excuse me, "short films". I throw off Clyde's comforter and realize I'm still in my Tweak's Bros. uniform.

"You awake?" Clyde swiveled in his computer chair.

"Yeah. What time is it?" I felt delirious.

Clyde checked his computer. "It's about midnight. Enjoy your nap, Sleeping Beauty?" Clyde stuck out his tongue which still had the piercing I gave him 2 years ago. I keep telling to him to let it heal and we'll go somewhere professional but he refuses to.

"I smell like shit, I'm going to shower." I stated feeling grimy.

"Wait, dude! Listen to this." Clyde pressed play and an electronic beat came from the speakers. It sounded like an old Mega Man song on crack.

"What do you think?" Clyde turned to look at me with big round eyes.

"It's good, makes my heart race." I feel like the people that might listen to Clyde's music are coke heads. "I'm off to shower."

"Have fun, dude." Clyde spun back around.

I walk all the way to the basement and practically rip off my clothes. I have another shift again in the morning but Tweek has class and won't come in until around noon. I'll have to work with his dad who can be painfully boring but we don't talk much.

I walk into my bathroom and immediately turn on the faucet and wait for the water to heat up. I like my showers hot and long. I jump in and pour way too much body wash onto myself. After marinating in soap I wash myself off. I dab some shampoo into my hair and lather. I put my head under the water and feel amazing. My times in the shower are easily my best times. Alone, naked, and warm, what more could I ask for? I would take hot showers over drugs any and every day. Once my hair is squeaky and clean. I ponder how I can waste more time in here. I look down and remember that I haven't jacked off in the past week and with sexy commando coming home how am I not supposed to masturbate? I lean back onto the wall since if I sat down I would be awkwardly situated since I'm so tall. I've just gotten used to standing while rubbing myself off. It doesn't take long to orgasm once I picture Butters pinning me to the bed and fucking me. I cum and clean myself off. Shaving my pubes regularly made my life so much easier.

I turned off the shower and grabbed a towel. I grabbed my laptop from my bedside table and placed it on my desk. I liked to surf the internet after a shower. I'm way too lazy to put on any clothes yet and I'm still pretty wet. As I'm looking at silly cat videos of cats using the toilet an advertisement comes on for the Army.

"Fuck." I say aloud and dry my hands. My Tweak Bros. pants are still in a crumbled lump on the floor. I'm turning into Clyde. I dig through the pockets and find my sketch of Butters. I grab my colored drawing pencils and move my laptop onto my bed. It's coloring time, which is serious. I'm trying to make this little doodle as detailed as possible. Camouflage is fun to try and convey. It's a bit of a bitch though. I made him look really stoic and hot. Fuck, I think I like Butters again. I sigh and continue drawing.

I'm almost finished my art when I hear some footsteps. I suspect it's Clyde and I'm right. His dad is knocked out early and a pretty heavy sleeper. Shit, I'm still naked. This is not the first time Clyde has caught me in the buff but I'm still embarrassed.

"Hey dude, Christ put some clothes on, Craig." Clyde jokes.

"You like it."

"Whatever, maybe it's better if you're naked but can I ask a question?" I turn around and Clyde is standing at the bottom of the staircase clinging to the railing like he's 500 feet in the air and about to fall.

I stare at him confused. "Shoot."

"Do you like me?"

"How so?" My chest rattles.

"Romantically."

"I wouldn't have kissed you then."

"Which time? Just earlier or the first time?"

"All the times, Clyde." I shake my head. I'm nervous. Shit. "I don't like talking about this."

"I know, fuck, I'm sorry. It's just that I've never get out to meet girls and you're here and it's just..." He trails off.

I get up. I want him to calm down. "Sit down." I point to the bed and he listens.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"I was thinking and it hit me that I was still a virgin. I don't like anybody else." He started to have tears fall down his face. I felt bad.

"If I don't lose it now, I may never lose it." He looks me in the eyes. "I don't want to start over."

"Clyde...I promise I will but have I work in like a few hours."

"I know it's 3. I know I'm ridiculous." He hangs his head.

"You're not ridiculous." I rub his shoulder. "I don't have any lube or condoms right now either. I didn't know."

"Oh. I'm just happy you're still living here then. It was like a dream when I told my dad that you were kicked out because of me and he said you could move in. I was always scared that you would want to move out on your own." He seemed to have calmed down now.

"Thanks man, and I'm still poor as shit, where I would I go?" I try and lighten the mood and he cracks a smile.

"Good. Please don't leave me in South Park alone." He seems so fragile like a caged bird being let out for the first time in years.

"I won't." I grab the top of his shirt and rip it off him. He makes a surprised moan as I push him onto his back. His pants come next and I start playing with him through his black boxers.

"Craig..." he lustfully calls me. I take off his boxers and feel better that we are both naked. Clyde is uncircumcised and I feel a little bit jealous. I take him in hand and he feels smaller than I do. I move my hand up and down and Clyde seems to be really enjoying this.

I take his dick into my mouth and I get a very gratifying "Fuck yes." from Clyde. I hit my gag reflex a couple times but I keep composure. I'm down on Clyde for about 10 minutes and Clyde thrashes into my mouth and I swallow most of his cum. It's taste bitter and I wish he would have warned me. I don't want to make him feel bad so I keep quiet and give him a thumbs up.

"Thanks Craig." He shudders.

"No problem. I'm gonna go finish my drawing now."

"Can you draw me next?" Clyde asks slightly teasing.

"Let me take a picture on my phone for reference." I pick up my phone and tell Clyde to pose. He poses like a French girl on his side. I laugh and take the photo.

"I'm tired as shit now." Clyde gets under my covers.

"Cool. Go the fuck to sleep." I say as I make my finishing touches to Butters portrait.

Clyde laughs. He might be one of the only people that likes my cold humor. "Alright. I'll get up and visit you at work when I get up."

"So in the last hour?" I shade in the background.

"Yeah." He turns over.

After I'm done perfecting my work, it's almost time to leave so I get a clean uniform to wear. Clyde is passed out and mumbling and he looks cute. I spray on some cologne so I don't smell like sweat. So much for my shower. I try and sneak out so I don't wake up Clyde.

* * *

I decide to take the long stroll to the coffee shop. How else will I stay mildly in shape? Clyde has a car but he also agrees that walking places is good exercise. I think he's trying to be environmental or some gay shit. It's working on me though.

I get to Tweak Bros. pretty quickly. Mr Tweak asks "How you doing kiddo?"

I'm an adult but Mr. Tweak calls everyone kiddo. "I'm doing great." I say thinking about Clyde.

"That's good." We set up without much conversation. He sticks mostly to the back and with that another boring work day begins.

I text Butters to come over to work when he gets up and he responded almost immediately. I wanted him to see my effort. There really hasn't been that much of a rush this morning so I'm bored.

Butters comes in. "Hey Craig."

"Hey."

"Can I get a green tea? I already had coffee this morning." He grins.

"Yeah. Medium?"

"That's fine."

"$2.25."

He tips me a dollar and I feel giddy.

"So can I see your artwork Mr. Picasso?" He teases.

"Very funny." I flip him off and take the paper from my pocket and hand it to him.

"I really like your style. Does Kenny still do tattoos?"

"Yeah."

"You should do tattoos!" He optimistically suggests.

"I'm too shaky and I don't like the people who get tattoos around here, they're a bunch of fucking freaks." I disdainfully state.

Butters laughs too hard. "You haven't changed much have you, Tucker?"

I look down in almost shame. "Nope."

It's a slow day at the coffee shop. Butters and I are making a lot of small talk. Butters is about to leave when the infamous McCormick walks in.

Kenny takes off his orange hood revealing a piece of his new neck tattoo. "Yo, Butters! I heard you were back in town. How the hell are ya?" Kenny walked up to Butters and patted his back. Kenny didn't even notice Butter's boot.

"I'm good. I've been here for a bit." He shrugs.

"Well before you go I wanted to tell Tucker that we're having a get together in your basement tomorrow. You have off. I checked your schedule. You can come Butters, more the merrier." Kenny acts if he pulled off some clever espionage when he really just asked Tweek about our schedules. We both have off tomorrow. Saturday's busy and his parents like to man the ship alone when it's busy.

"Oh boy!" Butter's sarcasm is soaking through.

"I'm on my lunch break and then I have to get back to the shop so see ya." Kenny walked out and hopped back into his old pickup truck.

"Kenny's the same too?" Butters laughed.

"Yeah nothing ever changes in South Park." I state as if it's true.

"I think I'll go now. It's really nice seeing you again, Craig." Butters waved and left.

Butters is really sweet, almost too sweet.

Tweek and Clyde walked into the shop together. I'm guessing they met up and walked together. When Clyde looks at me and he blushes. He's so weird.

"Did Kenny tell you about the party?" Tweek asks.

"Yeah, you sent him over here?"

"Yeah." Tweek brushes his hair with his one hand like it will help his out of control hair.

Tweek's dad was getting ready to depart but saw Clyde. "You know, we could always use another hand around the shop. How about a job Clyde?"

It seemed very abrupt but Clyde lit up and accepted like he was just asked to open for Depeche Mode.

"I'll work the schedule out with my wife tomorrow and we'll see what we can do." Mr. Tweak smiled.

I thought Clyde might pass out from excitement even Tweek told him to calm down. Tweek went into the back leaving Clyde and myself alone.

"This is like the best day of my life!" Clyde wiped his eyes. I felt genuinely happy for Clyde but I'm always afraid he'll fuck up and disappoint himself. He did that a lot in high school and he was miserable because of it.

Clyde and Tweek chattered about Clyde's new employment and Clyde called his dad about the news. It's like we won the lottery or something. The last few hours of my shift seem to fly by. Clyde and I left together because he wanted to talk.

"Sorry for sticking around for so long, I feel like I annoy you." Clyde admitted.

"That's just my face Clyde." I reassure him.

"So this morning was great right?" He was so ecstatic.

"Yeah." I said even though I'm not even sure what I want. I feel confused and I want to vomit everywhere. Clyde made more small talk. He was really endearing but I'm tired and talking to him is becoming strenuous.

We made it home and I just wanted to go to bed.

"Hey Craig, you OK?" Clyde wrapped his hand around my wrist.

"Hm? Yeah just really tired."

Clyde pouted. "You're always tired." He was bothered. "Come to my room at least."

"Why?" I asked somewhat annoyed.

"I just like seeing you sleep." He sounded dejected. Fuck.

"Alright. Don't be sad, Jesus." I agreed to going with him only because I was feeling generous.

* * *

I was down to my underwear on his bed while he was on his computer. I was fighting conscientiousness. Clyde was fucking around with new soundbites and they sounded like ghosts. It was unnerving and making it hard to go to sleep. I didn't want to admit that I was a bit scared so I just laid there.

I closed my eyes and only reopened them once I felt Clyde's weight on the bed he kissed my forehead and said "Good night Craig. I love you." I feel dizzy at the thought and lost the fight.


	3. Vast Void

Clyde woke me up around 6 o'clock, I wonder if I went into a coma.

"I think my dad went on his business trip. Two days of freedom!" Clyde poked my side.

"How long have you been up? It's too fucking early." I said while retreating under a pillow.

"A few hours. You've been asleep forever! I've just been fucking around with Words with Friends." I could hear the muffled sounds coming from his phone.

"That Scrabble ripoff? Fuck that." I just want to sleep more I don't care.

"Craig, you're like a cat you sleep for like 20 hours. Get the fuck up. I promised Tweek and Kenny that we would buy the Whiskey together."

"All four of us?"

"Yeah. Butters is coming with. So five, don't you want to pick your fancy vodka that only you like because you're a snob?" Clyde chuckled.

I threw a pillow at him. "Tweek likes it too. Do we have to do it this early?"

"No but I wanted to do this early. You know I'm impatient." Clyde climbed on top of me and placed his hands on my shoulders. He bent his head down and started sucking on my neck.

"Mm." Shit this feels good. I grind up against him. He starts trailing down to my stomach with kisses.

"I just wanted to return the favor, dude." He pulled my boxers down revealing my hard dick. "Sweet."

He grabbed my cock roughly and jerked me rapidly. "Fuck, Clyde." He smiled and put his mouth around the head. Clyde started bobbing his head with some slight rhythm. His teeth would occasionally graze against me but I didn't mind. This went on for a good 10 minutes before Clyde had to breathe. I started to rub myself off.

"Come here." Clyde crawled next to me and motioned that I should relax and took my cock in his hand. I came quickly enough and Clyde nuzzled his head into my neck.

"Thanks, Clyde."

* * *

After two hours of watching Red Racer together Clyde went upstairs to shower and get changed. I waited for him to get done showering. I'd get only cold water if I showered at the same time so fuck that. I wonder what has gotten into Clyde. When we were in high school and I was hitting on him because he was on the baseball team and was in good shape. Well Clyde is still in good shape. He would be all skittish and nervous. That hasn't changed completely but I normally would have had to ask for a blow job not just get one from him out of the blue. Butters was like that, he would just take charge and fuck me whenever his parents weren't home. I miss that. I'm still in shock that Clyde wants me to fuck him even. What does he see in me that's so good? Scratch that what does anyone see in me that's good.

My phone buzzes and it's Clyde telling me that he's out of the shower. I'm glad that after Clyde's little show I just cleaned myself off and stayed naked. I'm not that big of fan of clothes.

I took a quick look in the mirror and noticed minor bruising from Clyde on my neck. It's only noticeable if you were standing close enough to me. I took a quick shower and put on some casual clothes to buy alcohol with the guys. I hope no one will notice. We were probably just going to get drunk all day if we're getting shit together this early, hopefully they'll get drunk quick enough.

I walked upstairs into the living room and Clyde was sitting on a couch. He was just in a loose band t-shirt and jeans. He looked intensely focused on his phone so I got to stare at him for a bit.

"Hey Craig! Oh shit dude, how long have you being standing there for?" Clyde jumped. He could be almost as jumpy as Tweek at times.

"A few minutes. Are we ready?" I got up early let's hit the fucking road, Clyde.

"Uh, no Kenny just got up." He admits.

"Jesus." I say while walking to the couch to plop down next to him.

I'm not surprised Kenny is still asleep though. He was probably working into the night at the tattoo shop. It's outside of South Park so it's not that close to Kenny either. I would bet a 20 minute drive. I sigh and Clyde turns on the TV until Kenny says he's ready.

* * *

We're waiting outside Tweek's house for Tweek and Butters in Clyde's shitty car. I couldn't tell you the model because I don't give a fuck about cars. Tweek takes forever, he needs to make his coffee, make sure that he took his pills, and make sure there isn't any monsters anywhere. I'm exaggerating the last part but I wouldn't be surprised if he did.

Tweek and Butters walk out and get in. They greet us and apparently Kenny's going to meet us at the liquor store outside of South Park.

The short drive over Clyde can't shut up. "How's the army Butters? What kind of gun did you use?" He was barraging Butters with questions and he politely responded but he seemed to be uncomfortable. Eventually Clyde was satisfied and the rest of the ride was in silence which was nice for a change.

Tweek and I broke off from the other guys once we walked in. They liked the hard liquor and that was in a much farther aisle.

"Hey Craig, what happened to your neck?" Tweek noticed.

Shit shit shit. Think of an excuse Craig. Do it fast, say something. "I tried straightening my hair last night." Gay but might work.

"I don't think you did a good job." Tweek laughed. "Man, I should really try that too." He pondered aloud twirling his hair with his one finger.

"What should I get? I don't even care." I change the subject.

"Uh, shit I don't know. Don't push this decision on to me. It's too much pressure."

Smooth escape. I breathe throughout my nose.

We're still standing in the vodka aisle and I still feel oddly overwhelmed with the options.

A walking traffic cone whistles at me. "Come on Tucker, pick your faggy drink and let's go." Kenny urged while holding 2 paid for 6-packs of beer. "Clyde and Butters are already in the car." He started tapping his foot.

"Hold the fuck on." I told him while picking up a strawberry vodka concoction. Tweek nodded like I made a good choice.

I paid for my drink and we were on our soon drunken, merry way.

* * *

We were in my room sitting on the large wrap around couch that the Donovan's have had for years. The basement used to be an extra living room until I invaded it. We were drinking and contemplating what to do.

"Ooh I know what you gay boys would want to play." Kenny slipped a deck of playing cards from his parka pocket. "Strip poker."

I flipped him off. Tweek shrugged and Butters and Clyde both exclaimed "Let's do it."

We all went upstairs to sit around the dining room table.

Kenny, sitting at the head of the table shuffled the cards and doled out the rules. "Everyone take off their socks and shoes. Fuck them. Only shirts, pants, and your tighty whities count. If you fold three times in a row, you're a pussy and you have take off your clothes." Butters laughed. He seemed to be really enjoying this.

"If we fold three times we have take off _all_ of our clothes?" Tweek nervously asked.

"Sure! Thanks Tweekers." Kenny laughed and started dealing.

Two hands in and all of us were already shirtless. Clyde was the only one to lose his pants. Clyde was downing whiskey like it was water and he seemed off-kilter. It was lunchtime. Jesus. Kenny was oddly tanner than I expected and Tweek looked like his chest has never even seen the sun. Butters revealed a weird sun tattoo on his left breast.

"Cool tattoo Tucker, when did you get it?" Butters grinned.

"Right before we graduated. You?" A card slipped across the table and hit my hand.

"During training, peer pressure you know?"

I looked at my cards concentrating. I didn't care if I wound up naked but I definitely want to see these guys naked. Tweek folds, Kenny folds. We all drink some more. We play on to the flop, turn, and river with none of us budging.

I grin. "Full house."

Butters frowns "Two pair."

"Son of a bitch!" Clyde stands up and rips off his boxers and sits back down.

"Not bad Donovan." Butters laughs.

"Very funny." Clyde sticks out his pierced tongue.

Butters has a little trouble taking off his boot to slip off his sweatpants but he reveals his bright pink briefs. Butters doesn't put his boot back on because he should move his foot apparently. I don't know much about feet.

Kenny cat calls and Butters flips him off.

Only 4 of us remain. Next hand.

Tweek folds as soon as he sees his cards.

"That's three times. Tweekers." Kenny maniacally grins.

"What!?" I nod and Tweek doesn't even fight and despondently takes off his clothes. He looks translucent, I'm a bit jealous. Clyde keeps drinking and I should worry but he gets drunk like this every time so this isn't my first rodeo.

"I don't feel so hot." Clyde looks pretty sick.

"Ah! I'll take you to upstairs then." Tweek grabbed his clothes and tried helping Clyde up the stairs without too much folly. Clyde didn't vomit down here at least so I'm not pissed and I trust that Tweek can take good care of him.

"Well I hope he's okay..." Butters worried as Kenny started the next hand as if nothing was wrong.

"He'll be fine." Kenny said trying to ease Butters. "Hey gay lords final hand? Tweek may need help with that dumb ass. Losers get naked obviously." Kenny acting empathetic towards Tweek and Clyde. How nice of him.

I glance at my cards, a 3 and a 5 of different suits. I'm fucked. The flop, the turn, and the river come and Butter exclaims "That's a flush, boys!" We collectively curse but Kenny and I aren't shy so we disrobe and Butters claps in an obnoxious manner. I'm not completely hard so I feel a bit awkward compared to Kenny. I'm not good at estimating but it might be a foot long. If I had a penis that big I would be so happy.

"Alright adios!" Kenny runs to aid Tweek.

"This is awkward so why not?" Butter suggests as he seductively pulls his loud briefs down.

"Let's go downstairs." I state.

* * *

Butters and I are on the couch watching some bad music show, still naked. A half hour has passed since Kenny went to check on them.

"Hey I know it's been awhile..." Butters mentions.

"Yeah?"

"I missed you." He moved closer so were touching.

"Really? Even for what I did in high school?"

"You were scared. I get that. I can see why now that I know."

I cringed, stop Butters. I don't want to think about this.

"Yeah." I know a way to stop him. He was about to say something else but I silence him with my lips. He gets distracted enough that we make out for awhile.

We hear footsteps on the stairs but they don't come down all the way and then Kenny's voice. "Hey guys. Tweek's hungry so we're ordering pizza come tell us what you want."

"In a second!" Butter calls up.

I practically grabbed for my clothes like I was about to be shot at, as I'm waiting for Butters to get his foot situated and his clothes on, I ask "Do I look okay?"

"You look beautiful." I smile and he finishes getting dressed. We head up together.

We walk into the kitchen with Kenny who's just wearing his pants and Tweek sitting at the kitchen table writing shit down trying to the do the math of how much food we could get.

"Ah! Please don't make me talk on the phone." Tweek begged.

"We won't geez. Besides you might fuck it up." Kenny laughed. Kenny has a large back tattoo that is the anatomy of his spine. It's fucking cool.

"I wouldn't fuck it up!" Tweek seems a bit hurt but he's smiling as he jokingly tries to punch Kenny.

"I'll just have pizza, fellas."

"Me too."

"Order 2 pizzas then. Clyde will want some and I don't trust you guys to not eat one whole pizza." Tweek dictated.

"Pool your money in." We each handed five dollars to Kenny who talked on the phone. I had to tell him the address.

We fucked around with Mario Kart 8 with the Wii U that's in the living room until the food came. We were all awful with Butters winning courses by getting 5th at best.

We all ate pizza together at the kitchen table and I felt oddly empty inside, like there was a vast void where my heart was and pizza wasn't filling it.

**AN: Hey cool beans if you got this far. Don't be shy! Tell me what you think and if you like it or not. (You don't have to like it.)**


	4. The 13th

Today wasn't as bad as I originally thought as I wiped down the counters. Clyde was working with me today and he's really talkative. It made the day go faster but all his chatting made me more nervous. I have dropped full cups before and it's a pain in the ass to clean up a sticky mess on the floor. It's Friday the 13th today and I'm worried but I haven't seen any black cats yet. It's been a week since our last drinking shin-dig but Clyde was talking about planning another one already. Clyde drinking habits always disturbed me though.

"We're good." I announced.

"Sweet bro."

Clyde and I left the store once my parents walked in taking our shift. Clyde didn't drive in today so he was walking me back to my house.

"What time is that poetry thing?" Clyde remembered.

"8 at night..." I answered. My therapist guided me to a small writing group that's at the community college. They're pretty pretentious but it's nice to showcase my own writing even if I don't particularly like anyone else there.

"OK cool! I'll drag Craig's lazy ass out. Do you need a ride?" Clyde earnestly asked.

"No, Kenny is picking me and Butters up. I could drive but he insisted." I smile. I feel a bit guilty because I really liked Clyde. He's really sweet and strange. I'm pretty sure he's straight though and I wouldn't have a chance.

"I've been having a hard time coming up with new songs. You're a creative type Tweek, could you help me?" Clyde was practically begging me.

"Writer's block? Uh. You can always try doing something that you enjoy to get your mind cleared. If that makes any sense." I thought that was good advice, I wasn't sure I'm not an expert or anything. My chest felt suddenly more heavy.

"Thanks Tweek, I'll try that." We were already at my house and he waved me off saying he would see me later and to text him the directions.

* * *

Butters was sitting in the living room when I walked in. I greeted him and told him I was off to take a shower. I didn't feel that dirty, I just wanted to get away and have some privacy.

I galloped upstairs into the bathroom. I took off my shirt and I noticed some minor scratch marks on my chest. I blushed even though I was alone. Kenny and I met up a few days ago after that party. He called me and said he wanted to show me a new drawing he was working on. I was curious enough to check it out at his house. It was a demonic coffee cup spewing coffee. It was a bit frightening but I laughed. His mother was passed out downstairs most likely drunk and Kenny took of his clothes insinuating that he wanted something from me. I feel kind of guilty because that wouldn't have happened if I didn't make out with him at that party. It was even worse because Clyde was passed out on his own bed while it was happening. Being too close to Kenny was too much pressure for me right now.

I got into the shower trying to think of something else. My parents came to mind. They were a lot better after I had a breakdown about them dealing meth. They went to rehab and I spent my summer before my junior year of high school with my grandmother. They seem better off I thought as I rubbed soap onto myself. I let the water come over me one more time before I turned off the water and quickly escaped back to my room.

While drying off my naked, wet body, my phone buzzed and scared me a bit.

**Kenny: Hey.**

**Me: What's up?**

**Kenny: Your thing is at 8 right? I'm excited to hear some sick poetry man.**

**Me: Yeah it is.**

My face flushed, please don't expect anything good Kenny. I only put on some boxers, I wanted to try and nap before I embarrass myself in front of a crowd. I set an alarm to go off at seven. This is good for you, Tweek, I said to myself over and over til I was drowsy enough to pass out.

* * *

I jolted awake with my phone screeching to wake up and get dressed. I slowly rolled out from my bed. I just wanted to get this over with. I put on my most plain jeans, blue shirt, and white jacket I had so that I wouldn't stick out. I remembered to go grab Craig's cigarettes because I know he would hate this and most likely would want to smoke later. I check my jean pockets to make sure I have the paper with my poem written on it.

I walked downstairs and Butters was sitting on the couch all ready to go. Butters looked like he was going to church, with a dress shirt, a black tie, and nice tan slacks. It was a nice gesture for him to get all dolled up but it was unnecessary.

"Hey Tweek!" He exclaimed too cheerfully.

"Hey." I barely could get the word out.

"Happy Friday the 13th!" He giggled.

I nodded and we waited till Kenny showed up in his dingy truck.

Kenny honked and Butters lead the way out and struggled to climb into the backseat.

"Is your foot OK!?"

"Yeah I'm fine Tweek." He reassured me. It was stupid of me to not climb in the back myself but it was too late and I sat in the passenger seat.

Kenny snickered and we were on our way. Kenny had his bright orange parka on. I wondered if that was the only parka he had.

The drive over was met in silence with Kenny playing some weird music that I've never heard of but it was very relaxing. I tried to have pleasant thoughts to still my nerves.

* * *

Craig and Clyde had beaten us there and I checked in with the people running the poetry slam. I was so nervous. I felt my heart in my throat and I had blurry vision.

I sat next to Clyde and Kenny in the second row. The room wasn't that big and each row only had 8 seats. My legs wouldn't stop shaking so Kenny put his hand on my left leg trying to calm me down. It didn't really help, it just kind of turned me on. I swallowed my own spit. I looked over Clyde to see Craig and he looked exhausted already. They both look pretty disheveled and it brought me minor solace. Hopefully this was fast enough that we all didn't have to suffer for too long.

I tried some breathing exercises but the announcer who I didn't try and look at once called out "Tweek Tweak?"

I thought I may faint but I took the stage and feared a heart attack. I pulled the paper from my pocket and started reading.

_Stranger_

_Crunching numbers  
Counting, calculating  
Good marks, little waists  
What a waste.  
Our toxic alliance  
Feeding off each other.  
What were we afraid of?  
Losing control?  
Taking control?  
Radioactive thoughts.  
The result of the bomb.  
Source of the end.  
Lingering decay.  
White fences couldn't stop  
The contamination.  
Neither could the separation of  
Running on the treadmill.  
Pretending I don't see  
The truth,  
This elephant.  
You're still my neighbor,  
Stranger._

The crowd let's out some finger snaps while Clyde hooted and made an ass of himself. I cracked a smile and stepped off stage.

Craig gave me a thumbs up and Kenny patted my back when I sat back down. The poetry slam ends and as we were all walking out one of my English teachers congratulated me saying that she was really proud that I showed up and read something.

* * *

Craig and Clyde went back to Clyde's house and we were sitting outside of my house in Kenny's truck.

"Hey guys, I'm kind of hungry, you want to go out to eat?" Kenny proposed.

"Oh thanks Ken, but I think I'm going to go hit the hay." Butters apologetically said.

"I'll go!" I interjected.

Butters took a long time to get out from the deathtrap but he waved goodbye to us and Kenny drove off.

"Can't believe my luck today, I'm happy I get to spend alone time with you." Kenny tapped on his steering wheel.

"Yeah." I added while wringing my hands together. "Lucky."

* * *

Kenny took me to Olive Garden, he said he wanted to celebrate and this is where he celebrates. We had already been seated and ordered lemonades. I don't remember the last time I was in a restaurant.

I was too awkward so Kenny had to start a conversation. "What was your poem about? If you don't mind me asking."

"Oh. It's just about old me being obsessed with being psychically fit and the voice in my head telling me that I'm too fat." I told Kenny in confidence.

Before Kenny could muster anything to say again, the bread sticks came out. He scarfed them down like he hasn't eaten in days. I worry that this might be true. I eat one.

"You don't feel like that now, do you?" He asked mouth full.

"No! I feel pretty good actually. You know therapy and stuff." My thought process trails off as the waitress comes back to take our orders. We both get something pasta-like. I'm glad there was an interruption.

"So what's happening with you?" I asked trying to lighten the mood.

"I've been working my ass off at the tattoo shop. Trying to save up to get out of my house." He put his elbows on the table. "Have you ever wanted to get a tattoo?"

I blinked at him, I never thought about that, I'm so nervous. "Sure."

"Sure?"

"Yeah sure."

"I don't even have to lower the price to convince you?" Kenny was dumbfounded.

"No. After this... let's go." I was feeling adventurous. I wanted to impress Kenny but I didn't know what other way I could.

"The shop's still open, the boss wouldn't mind if I brought a customer in not during my shift." Kenny smirked.

I felt a little scared but our food came out and eased my mind a bit. After eating for awhile Kenny asked "Are you sure?"

I swallowed. "I mean yeah, I'm scared but I really want a little coffee mug on my clavicle." I said pointing to it. When our waitress came back we asked for the check.

"Thanks for coming out with me, Tweekers." He stuck out his tongue. I smiled. When we got the check I reached for the check but he put his hand on my hand "I'll pay for this, you can pay for your tattoo."

"Oh. OK. Thanks." I felt anxious.

* * *

Kenny drove me to the tattoo parlor and it was easily past eleven. I hope Butters and my parents aren't worried about me. He talked to his boss who was a big biker who was really scary but he smiled at me when Kenny led me to his chair. Kenny took off his parka and I forgot how thin he was.

"So you want a small coffee mug?" Kenny asked as I zippered my jacket off.

"Yeah." I shut my eyes as I took my shirt my off. Kenny said it would be easier to tattoo that way. Kenny closed a curtain around us so we could have some privacy.

"Are you sure about this?"

I nodded my head. The machine started buzzing against my skin and I gasped. I clenched my eyes tighter hoping that would ease the pain. Kenny didn't take that long to etch my skin but I was sure that it took an eternity. Tears formed in my eyes but once the buzzing stopped and Kenny chimed "All finished!" and patted my head. A weight was lifted off me. He took me to a mirror.

"How does it look?"

I couldn't believe what I had done. "I really like it Ken."

"Good." He squeezed my shoulder that he didn't just tattoo. He bandaged my tattoo and told me about how to take care of it and he would visit me if I needed any help. I put my tops back on dizzily.

Handing my money over to Kenny's scary boss and walking out with Kenny to get back into his truck, I wasn't sure if I was feeling lucky or unlucky as the clock on his radio read midnight.

**AN: Thanks to Stickyfrog & Guest for reviewing! Stranger is an original poem.**


	5. Nosebleed

I feel like I can never sleep. I'm an insomniac. I click around on costume websites trying to find the best deal on retractable fangs. Vampires are fucking cool I conclude as I enter my credit card number. There goes fifteen dollars. It's only two weeks until Halloween and I can't wait. I tap my fingers on my desk. I wonder how else I can kill time before I have to go be a coffee slave. I check my phone and look at the dirty texts Butters has been sending me. I feel slightly guilty. The latest one was him in a full-view mirror naked, hard, and flexing. I felt like an idiot for gushing over a sext but maybe that's what happens when the person sending them actually makes me happy. I don't respond.

I heard creaking on the stairs and I turned the lock on my phone on. The only person who would bother walking down the stairs at three in the morning would be Clyde.

"Hey you awake?" Clyde calls.

"Yep."

He chuckles "Remember this?" He walks into the room revealing his old Red Racer costume from two years ago. We dared each other to be our favorite cartoon hero. I was stuck with being Spider Man. I still think that Clyde made that dare so that we would both wear spandex suits.

"Yeah. Excited?"

"I'm ecstatic for Halloween dude, only two weeks away!" Clyde is still like a little kid. It's what's charming about him. He hasn't let the world harden him yet. I know why he can stay so cheerful. Clyde had parents who were stable and loved him. They still do even if his mother is six feet under.

"Do you still have your Spider Man costume?" Clyde asks while he comes to sit on the bed with me.

"Yeah...but I have work soon, I don't have time for your weird fetishes." I roll over and he laughs. I guess I'm funny.

"Fine grumpy, I think you need to blow off some steam." Clyde said while climbing onto me. "I bought you a present."

"Condoms for me to fuck you isn't a present." I bluntly state.

He laughs again. "Is something wrong?" The sound of Clyde's voice is merging with the sound of his spandex thighs rubbing together.

I decide to open up. "Do you ever feel like you're wasting time here or some shit?"

"What? Uh, How so?"

"Like not going to college."

Clyde snickers. "You shouldn't let that shit get to you man. We saved a lot of money. Would you rather be swimming in debt at some smarmy college?"

I can't tell the future if I made a good decision or not. I feel like I have made so many bad choices. I sigh and not to disagree with Clyde I say "Yeah you're right."

"Thanks, man I'll leave you alone I guess, you seem pretty down." Clyde tells me and leaves.

I can't tell whether or not if I'm grateful for Clyde's blind optimism. He could be so ignorant.

* * *

I arrived at work with Tweek already setting most of the machines up for this morning's shift. I felt bad that I couldn't have helped Tweek since I know doing this alone can set him off.

"Hey." I announce as I walk behind the counter.

"Hey." He turns towards me and I noticed some ink on his neck hiding under his work uniform.

"What's on your neck?" I marvel aloud and feel like shit when Tweek looks at me with daggers in his eyes.

"Kenny tattooed me."

"When?"

"After the poetry slam." He walked into the back to check storage but I know he didn't want to talk to me about it. I scowl because I can never say the right thing to people.

The day begins and work seems more painful now that I have more days off. Tweek opens up about his coffee tattoo that it was more out of impulse than actually wanting it. I'm not surprised that it was spontaneous. I got a closer look and Kenny did a damn good job detailing that mug. It suits Tweek.

More customers come and go and I feel like I could jump off a bridge. I was looking down at my drawing of a tree I was doodling on a napkin when the door opened and the worst person in the world walked in.

"Craig?" Her sultry voice traveled in timidly.

It was my mother.

I gulped. "What...can I get you?"

"Oh...I'll just... have a latte." She brushed her blonde hair out of her eyes.

I gave the order to Tweek and hoped as hard as I could that she wouldn't talk to me.

"Craig. I'm sorry to do this here but can we talk?"

"Who told you I worked here?" I skeptically look at her.

"I ran into Mrs. Tweak and I asked about you to see if she knew anything. I just want to talk."

I shudder. Don't talk to me. "You've waited this long?"

Tweek handed her order and I felt like spontaneously catching fire to have an excuse to leave. Please don't make this a common thing.

She thanked Tweek and looked at me and mouthed I'm sorry.

She left and I tried to blow it off by going back to drawing but Tweek didn't want to let it go.

"Craig."

"What."

"You should talk to her."

I snap to glare at Tweek. "Why the fuck should I do that?"

"Uh..shit she's your mom." He fidgets.

"Don't talk to me about it." I try and ignore Tweek, thankfully the store has been dead for most of the day and no one is here to see me cut off Tweek.

Tweek scurries to the back only to come back out angrier than before.

"Fine asshole if you don't want to talk about your damn mother talk about the same bullshit you get into with the people you sleep with." Tweek looks out of breath and about to have a breakdown.

"What are you talking about?"

"The way you look at me, the way you look at Clyde, the way you look at Butters, the Red situation! AH! Nothing ever ends for you Craig. Someone new picks up your interest and you start fucking them like the others don't know! I fucking know Craig I have been your friend and weird benefit long enough."

I slam the pencil on the counter and I want to lunge at Tweek. Who the fuck does he think he is?

"Is this because I kissed you?"

"Craig this is from high school. You've been doing this for years. This isn't recent Craig. My therapist told me to confront you. Ah! This all went wrong. I fucked this up. Shit shit shit." Tweek starts to whimper. I run over to console him. He crouches to hide from view.

"Tweek, breathe." I try and calm him down. I don't blame him but I'm exhausted. The work day isn't even over yet. This lasts a few moments.

He recollects himself and scurries to the back. I didnt even notice that Henrietta was waiting at the counter.

"Is he going to be okay?" The gothic woman asked.

"Yeah. The usual black coffee?"

She nods and I feel my stomach revolt against me.

* * *

I waited for Tweek outside. He was making small talk to his parents. It was completely possible that he wants to avoid me right now. I wanted to apologize to him for making him feel that way. Tweek's accusation does have a kernel of truth to it.

He leaves Tweak Bros and was surprised that I was still standing there for him. "Oh Craig...Don't beat me up!"

I sigh. "I wouldn't do that Tweek." I click my tongue. "I am pissed off but I wouldn't hit you. We're not in high school anymore." I say through my teeth and hope I'm telling the truth.

"I just wanted to help you..." Tweek mumbles as he wipes his eyes.

"Yeah. I'm sorry I shouted."

"It's alright. You're going to hurt yourself again if you play with people you know."

I start walking away and Tweek follows behind.

"Please Craig."

I stay silent.

"Do you enjoy this?" He pesters.

"Drop it." I coldly state.

"Fine! Be a dickhead!" He screams tugging at his hair.

I stop and turn around. "What the fuck do you want me to say?"

He looks up and stares right into my eyes. Tweek's kind of intimidating like this. I'll never tell him that though.

"Do you love me?"

I feel like he just punched me in my stomach.

"Did anything we ever do matter? Were you just using me?" He points a finger at me.

"Fucking answer me, Craig!" This is a scene.

"Do you want the truth?" I taunt.

"Yes! I'm sick of not knowing and feeling idiotic because of you." More tears trickle out from him.

"I do care about you Tweek. Just let go what we had right after high school."

"That doesn't answer my question!"

I grit my teeth.

"No."

Tweek runs as fast as he can away from me.

* * *

I get back to the Donovan's and I want some over the counter drugs to knock me out. Today was horrible. I fish around the medicine cabinet in the kitchen and find NyQuil. I take it like a shot of vodka and get caught by Clyde.

"Yo dude! You sick?" He is still clad in his pajamas in the middle of the afternoon.

"Yeah." I decide to lie.

"Oh. Well get better bro!" He pats my back as he goes for the fridge. I dodge Clyde and make my way to my bedroom.

While walking down the stairs I wipe my nose with my right hand and when it returns to my field of vision it's red.

"Shit. Clyde!" I shout.

He barrels down to me in worry.

"Can you get me a tissue?" I ask while I'm pinching my nose.

"Sure, that's weird man."

I'm not surprised that this shitty day is going to end with me getting a nosebleed. I haven't had one since my face was being bashed in by douche bags in school hallways.

Clyde returns with some tissues and I thank him. He apologizes and wishes for my health to improve. Clyde's pretty gullible I think as I retreat to the bathroom to check out my nose. Once I'm in the well lit bathroom I see that blood has dripped down to my lips and dried a bit. I pinch my nose and bend forward.

I wish I wasn't just bleeding from my nose.

After making sure that my nose was done, I washed my hands and face to clean off the blood.

I left the bathroom and stripped down to my boxers since I was actually feeling quite feverish. I curled up under the blankets trying to relax myself. Before I drifted off I thought about how maybe Tweek was right. I should be more honest with everyone. I shut my eyes to kill off the thought.

* * *

I was the king of a small village. A young scribe who looked like Clyde ran to alert me that a witch-like statue sprung to life. She was terrorizing everyone by eating all the children in the village. Their souls made her stronger. The statue knew that I was royalty and targeted me next after she was done harvesting all the children. She was going to try and kill me. I knew I could escape if I made it through the treacherous forest. I ran away from my small village that I used to rule screaming for my life. The statue caught on and chased after me. She was faster than I was though and caught me. After that I saw myself wither away. My skin cracked and faded until I died as a thousand birds yelled out. "King Craig! King Craig has fallen!"

I woke up with my heart pounding and in a cold sweat. I checked my clock and it had only been a few hours. I knew that wasn't long enough to count as a day of sleep. I just stared at my dark ceiling, too scared to close my eyes again._  
_

**AN: Thanks for reading, This chapter took longer to write than the others because I went to the emergency room last week and found out that I have mono. So I've been feeling really sick, I'm happy that I finished chapter five though! Nettle is a bit of a weird story and I'm trying to make it feel like a weird art film so hopefully that's coming across and you're enjoying the story. If you are, please review and give me so feedback! Thanks again!**


	6. Investigator

Gripping the steering wheel as hard as I could was becoming a problem. My hands are sore and when I straighten my fingers out all the bones in my hand crack. The car smells of the tacos I just picked up from Taco Bell like a junkie. I'm always starving after I work a shift at Tweak Bros. A red light stops me and I start thinking about Tweek and how he is acting more stand offish. When ever I bring up Craig to him and vice versa they both seem to change the subject as fast as they can. The stoplight changes and the light traffic lets me get back home in no time.

I arrive home with it being not surprisingly empty. Craig always hides in the basement and my dad, the busy business man works until night or is always on a business trip. I feel like I rarely see him anymore.

Before getting out of my uniform I went to ask Craig if he wanted the extra taco I bought him. He's too thin I thought. I crept down the stairs once I saw that it was pitch black and I could make out that Craig was still passed out. I decide that I can bother him to eat later. I'll put it in the fridge, he can heat it up if he wants it.

I walked back upstairs into the kitchen. I was feeling trapped by my clothes so I stripped them off in the kitchen. Being just in my boxers in the kitchen isn't new. I'm by myself so much that I'm comfortable being half naked all the time. I grab my clothes and tacos and head to my room to relax.

I throw my dirty uniform into my hamper and flick on the television. Nothing really interests me so I turn to my computer and debate making new music. It's almost been a year since my debut 'Minty Fresh' came out. I bought a new synthesizer but it hasn't been shipped yet. I'm extremely annoyed that South Park doesn't have a music shop and I don't have the time to drive all the way to Denver.

I continue eating my tacos and check my email. Spam for penis enhancing drugs, delete. A gay dating site, delete. An actual email from a bar I performed at months ago? Holy shit! I immediately click on it and read it. They want me for their all night Halloween concert. That's only what 9 days away? I ask myself and check my calendar. Who am I kidding? I totally have time to drive to Denver.

I finish eating and I want to go tell Craig the good news.

* * *

Craig's still asleep so I decide to wake him up by sitting on him.

"Ugh." He responds as I straddle his back.

"Get up sleepyhead." I pat his lower back.

"What the fuck is it Clyde?" He rolls over and I flop onto his bed.

"Ow... I have good news and a plan for Halloween!" I gleefully told him.

"What?" He grumbled.

"You guys are all coming to my concert in Denver."

"Oh whoop." Craig said sarcastically while sitting up. He smells like sweat but I don't mind. I'm pretty sure I smell the same right now. We're two sweaty faggots I guess. I smile to myself.

"Hey Craig, you seem more depressed than usual what's up?"

He sighs. "Nothing."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

I can't see well but I bet he rolled his eyes at me.

"Come on Craig..." I poke him in the side.

"Stop dude..."

I climb on top of him.

"Craig." I nip at his neck. "Tell me."

He sighs. He's breathing fast.

"Give me a hint please. Something's up with you."

"Clyde...I don't want to." He pulls me closer.

"I'll fuck you if we can drop this." He whispered into my ear.

I gasped. An ultimatum? I mean Craig knows that I have been wanting this for awhile. I definitely know that something is bothering Craig but I think he's been waiting to use this against me to get what he wants. Considering that I have never went all the way with anyone. I give in.

"Fine. The lube's in my room I'll go get it." I get up and traverse the dark room.

I run to my room as fast as my body can take me. I can think how I can get around Craig being a pain in the ass later. I dig in my drawer of my bedside table and find it. I practically jump down all the stairs at once I'm so excited.

When I return to the basement the lights are on and Craig is rubbing his eyes.

"Still waking up?"

"Maybe..." He flips me off.

I walk over to him and squirt some of the lube onto my hand and rub him off a bit. His head tilts back a bit and his Adam's apple bobs. After that I make sure my ass is ready by rubbing some lube there too.

"You ready?" He bites his lip.

"I think so." I slowly sit on his dick while he sits on his bed. He's rubbing my back as I moan and grunt. I'm trying to get comfortable but it feels like I'm being split in two.

"Does it feel good?" He asks.

I don't answer him. "Let me try and move." I push Craig's torso down so that he is laying on his back. I can move up and down but I'm not feeling that pleased.

Craig closes his eyes and bucks into me. I wince. "Why don't we change positions maybe you'll feel better on your back?" I nod and let Craig pull out.

He has me lay on my back on his bed. He reapplies more lube and uses his fingers to probe me. His two slender fingers are easier to take inside me so I'm feeling pretty turned on.

"Alright let's try again." Craig seems really focused on this. I've only seen him look like this when he's drawing something intricate. As he lines up and smoothly inserts himself I grab his sheets with my fists. His rhythm is a bit slow and I want him to pick up speed.

"Dude, you can go faster." I complain.

"Fine. I was trying to be nice and slow since it was your first time." He smacks my ass and rams his groin into me.

"Fuck! Craig..." He grins. He continues this fast paced motion until I can't stop moaning his name and I cum.

"Looks like you made a mess." Craig can't stop smiling, it's almost eerie. I don't think I have seen Craig smile this much. He rips off the condom and starts jerking himself off. He sits on the bed next to me.

"Want help with that?" I crave while sitting up to get a better view of him.

"Yeah." Craig rests his head onto my shoulder and lets me take over.

Craig's easy to make cum or maybe since I've been giving him hand jobs since high school I just know what he likes. He groans as he ejaculates into my hand. Out of curiosity, I taste it. Craig looks puzzled and slightly disgusted.

"You know we can just shower." Craig stifles a chuckle.

"Together?"

"Yeah let's save water or some bullshit." I smile.

I follow Craig into the bathroom and he already started the shower and jumped in. He made room for me but no matter how we situated ourselves we were pressed up against each other. I couldn't help myself but I started grabbing Craig's hair and kissing him with force. It was hard to breathe with water rushing down onto us but I knew Craig was liking this. His arms were wrapped around me and he would whisper my name into my ear longingly. I wish that we could be in this shower forever but I know that can't happen. Nothing this great lasts forever.

* * *

After our shower I could tell Craig wanted some privacy and I did too. We retreated back to our rooms but I still needed to know why Craig was acting so weird before. I guess Investigator Clyde will have to take this case! I grabbed my phone to get into contact with suspect number one. Tweek Tweak.

**Me: Yo!**

**Tweek: What's up Clyde?**

As I type my question to Tweek I could feel a lump in my throat that wouldn't go away.

**Me: Would you know what's wrong with Craig? He's being really pissy and won't tell me about it. I'm worried. I've tried talking to you about this before at the coffee shop...**

I could imagine Tweek sighing to this but folding.

**Tweek: Well a few days ago, his mom came in to the shop and wanted to talk to him. He gave her the cold shoulder.**

**Me: Oh.**

I wait a few minutes but our conversation is over. Shit, that makes sense why Craig is upset. I wouldn't want to talk to my dad ever again if he kicked me out because I had a guy in my bedroom. Especially if I was only 18 and still in high school. I can only be grateful that when I had my tearful coming out that my dad just said "Whatever makes you happy, son."

I put my phone back on my desk and ponder if I should go talk to Craig about this. He wouldn't want to and after what we just did I don't know if I would want to ruin it. I could use the excuse to ask if he's hungry and maybe lead the conversation to the problem. I put on an old band t-shirt and prepare for the negotiation.

* * *

"Hey Craig you hungry?" I call out to him at the top of the stairs.

"Kind of." His monotone voice carried up the stairs. I hear footsteps and Craig the giant was before me. I sometimes forget that Craig is over 6'4". I'm just barely at six feet myself. It makes him so much more attractive. He's also his best looking when he's still just in his boxers.

"Do you want anything specific?" I ask while going to the kitchen to dig around for food or a take-out menu.

Craig shrugs before suggesting "How about Chinese? We haven't had that in awhile."

After looking at the menu and disagreeing over if orange chicken is better than General Tso's chicken. I decide to call and pay so that means I win and get to order what I want. Two victories for Clyde today. I sheepishly laugh to myself. After I'm done ordering I return to my room to put pants on so to look presentable when answering the door.

When I came back down Craig was sitting on the couch and rubbing his shoulder with his hand.

"Is your shoulder OK?" I'm concerned.

"Yeah. Just sore." He flatly tells me. He sinks into the couch to relax.

His tattooed arm is facing me and I wish he would get more. They really suit Craig's personality.

"You want me to rub it?" I thought I would offer.

He turns his back to me and allows me to knead his shoulders. I hear some cracking and worry about his posture. I remember why I wanted to talk to Craig. He's vulnerable, I should try now.

"So I was talking to Tweek..."

"Why?" He tensed up under my palms.

"To see if he knew why you were upset. I get why you don't want to talk to her." After saying this Craig relaxes again and I'm relieved.

"Thanks Clyde. Tweek wants me to talk to her like she's not guilty for disowning me. There's no fucking way I could do that." He starts to shake.

"It's okay Craig. Please just calm down." I comfort him by kissing the back of his neck and squeezing his shoulders.

A knock at the door ends our nice conversation but I'm really excited about this food. All these emotions were making me hungry. I thank the delivery woman and hand her the money, tipping her well.

I close the door. "Fuck yeah, food!" I exclaim and Craig smiles and Investigator Clyde has successfully completed his mission, make the stoic and unhappy Craig Tucker feel something good for once.

**AN: Thank you Stickyfrog, Guest, and Beegees for reviewing, it's much appreciated. I hope you readers are enjoying Nettle as much as I am!**


	7. Nowhere Feels Like Somewhere (Halloween)

For some reason this ritualistic way we all get dressed up for this holiday speaks to me. I wouldn't be surprised if I was a reincarnated witch doctor. I place the fake fangs onto my teeth. They fit but it feels like I have too many teeth in my mouth. I grab the fake blood Clyde and I made with food dye, corn syrup, and water earlier. I bought this white t-shirt to ruin it but I still feel odd about splattering fake blood on my chest and staining the shirt. I take a small swig and let it pour of out of my mouth to make it seem like I just fed on my latest victim. I walk to my bathroom to get a look at myself in the mirror. I look pretty scary. Hopefully scary enough that strangers won't talk to me like the last time I went to one of Clyde's concerts. I put on some black jeans and head on up to see if Tweek and Clyde are done getting ready.

I walk into the kitchen with Clyde with his shirt off sitting down with Tweek putting on gray body paint on to him. Tweek was in a long black dress with a long black wig on. I couldn't guess who he was trying to be. Butters was sitting in a different chair clad in an army uniform. His boot was off. I guess he's doing well with his physical therapy. When we text we don't talk about it. He normally talks about his army glory days before the accident and how good looking I still am.

"Hey." I announce my presence. The fangs make it a bit hard to speak.

"You look pretty spooky Craig." Clyde laughs. Tweek has been here for a few hours. He's doing a really good job. He painted gashes into Clyde's shoulders and they look real.

"I'm almost done with this zombie. How much time do I have left?" Tweek nervously checked his phone.

"Don't worry Elvira, the concert's in two hours and it takes like and hour to get there. You're fine." Clyde reassured him.

"Yeah you're doing a great job Tweek, you should be a make-up artist!" Butters chimed in.

"Oh thanks Butters, and God damn it Clyde. I'm Morticia Addams not Elvira! She has big tits and Morticia does not!" Tweek angrily rants.

Tweek finishes his make up job and Clyde tries to hand him a ten dollar bill.

"Oh. No that's fine you're my friend." Tweek shakes his head.

"Tweek don't be like that just take it. You did a great job." Tweek hesitates but accepts the money with a frown.

After waiting for the paint to dry on him Clyde slipped on a button shirt but doesn't button any buttons. It's oddly sexy. I feel the awkward tension between everyone and hope for a chance to leave.

"Hey Craig, want to help me load some of my shit into the car? It's easier with two people." Thanks Clyde.

"Sure." I try not to show my eagerness.

We went upstairs and Clyde handed me his closed laptop and a bunch of cords as he grabbed his Yamaha keyboard.

"We can come back for the box of CDs and t-shirts." I nodded even though Clyde was in front of me.

As we walked back down Tweek offered to open Clyde's trunk for us. We lugged the bulky equipment outside. We placed Clyde's instruments in carefully. I offered to run and grab the shit Clyde wanted to sell. After I rushed to get to the heavy box outside I felt out of breath. I need to move more I thought. I dropped the future money into the trunk and slammed it shut.

"I think we should get going." Clyde concluded.

"I'm gonna wait for Kenny. I'll ask Butters if he wants to ride with you guys." Tweek disappeared back inside and came back out in an almost world record time. "He said that he doesn't want to stand for that long so he'll go with me and Kenny."

"That's cool." Clyde waved him off as I opened the passenger door and sat down. Tonight was going to be a chore. I was sure of it.

* * *

Clyde and I were driving on a highway and he was humming along to something on the radio.

"Shit I'm cold." He shivered while turning up the heat in the car.

"You're not wearing a shirt." I state to him bluntly.

"Oh yeah..." He nervously laughs. Clyde always gets like this before a show. He's a bundle of nerves and it's weird seeing Clyde act like Tweek. It almost bothers me. I focused on the terrain whipping by outside as Clyde focused on not killing us in a fiery crash. Unfortunately we made it safe and sound to a bar called 'Cherry Bomb'. I can do this I told myself as we parked in the back lot.

Clyde was being given directions by the bar owners while I was allowed to escape to the cleared out standing room. I found the bar so I could be inebriated as soon as possible. The place didn't seem to be too crowded but most people were dressed in costume. Everyone looked too half naked. I caught the attention of the bar keeper.

"A beer." I want to keep the conversation curt so I show off my ID before she can ask.

"Alright Dracula." She winked as she placed the alcohol on the counter. "Want to suck my blood later?"

"No thanks." I felt a little embarrassed but I paid and tried to brood in a corner til the blond gang showed up. They didn't take long to get here either. Tweek waved to me like a maniac after he spotted me. I made the journey to join them near the entrance.

"Already getting buzzed Tucker?" I couldn't really hear Kenny through his Jason Voorhees' hockey mask but I nodded anyway. Tweek rolled his eyes after Kenny took off to the bar. Butters wanted to find a wall to lean on so we all stood around the right side of the stage. We had a pretty good view to gawk at the performers.

The first band came out and they had some weird name. They played mostly indie tunes. I could tell Tweek was kind of getting into it. I wish I was more drunk to enjoy this though. After the first band announced that they were done I knew Clyde would be next. He told me earlier that he was going on second in the lineup or something. I felt Butters tug on my arm.

"I have to go to the bathroom. Want to come?" I thought this seemed weird but I shrugged and followed him. I didn't really have to go but I was feeling a bit claustrophobic in the crowd.

Thankfully the bathroom was empty. I felt strange walking in but just standing here. Butters went into one of the stalls and I waited by the sinks. I didn't want to look in the mirror. I didn't want to look at myself. I hear a flush and Butters is back out semi-limping to the sink to wash his hands.

"You alright?" I muffled out.

"Yeah. I wanted to ask you this question though first I couldn't really ask it out there." He wrung his hands together under the water uneasily. "Do you want to be serious again? You know...like d-date?" Butters stuttered.

It felt like I had an iron tongue. "Oh. I'm kind of with Clyde right now. I'm sorry." I felt so guilty for telling the truth to Butters. There's so much of me that wanted to say yes and face consequences later. Tweek was right. There's nothing wrong with being honest. Even if I wanted to juggle them both. I couldn't do that to Clyde and Butters though. It might kill them both. It would drive away the only people I may have left.

"Don't be sorry. I was just being silly..." He dried his hands on his pants and blew past me to leave. I followed after him back to Tweek who was saving our good spot next to the stage. I wanted to apologize more that Clyde had just beaten him to the punch. I don't even know if that's the right thing to say to someone who looks heartbroken. Tweek was looking pissed off and I wasn't even sure what he could be mad at anymore. I guess we drifted apart.

"Good you're back I have to go kill Kenny. Jesus." Tweek twitched. This is not good.

"Oh gosh..." Butters' face was beat red. I feel awful.

"I'm sorry Butters."

"It's fine."

We're having this exchange as Tweek goes and berates Kenny who's drunkenly making out with another drunk woman in a cat costume. Tweek starts yelling and the mistress acts angry and slaps Kenny accusing him of how could he cheat on his girlfriend? Butters chuckled at this and I did too. It's a shame that we couldn't laugh harder at this. Tweek dragged Kenny back to us who looked like a kicked puppy dog. Thankfully Clyde came out on stage and introduced himself as Donovan.

"How are you doing Denver?" The crowd cheered and Clyde played his first loud song. It wasn't terrible and strangers seemed to be dancing and forming a mosh pit. Our melancholy group clung to the wall. All of us wanted to die or kill each other. I couldn't blame any of us if anyone actually went through with it.

I was sad when I chugged the last of my drink. I wasn't going to get another one. I know Clyde needs to stick around to sell shit. I get to be the lucky one that gets to stay behind and help him at the merch table. The rest of Clyde's songs went on in a blur. Some sounded familiar because I did listen to his album out of courtesy and curiosity. I would look to Tweek, Butters, and Kenny every once in a while but they were all frowning. It was pretty odd.

"Alright this is my last song of the night. It's off the new album and I'd like to dedicate this song to someone very close to me. This is for you Craig." Eerie music poured out of the speakers. Butters looked down and I could feel Butters' hurt feelings. At least Clyde's set was done after this. I know Tweek wants to get the hell out of here. I couldn't agree more. The song was beginning to end and Clyde spoke.

"Nowhere feels like somewhere...in your arms." The lights went off and Clyde self promoted while packing up his things. He gave his thanks and it's finally over.

My stomach felt as if the acid in it turned into a solid. Clyde was talking about me. I bit my lip.

"Tell Clyde thanks for inviting us but I'm going to drive Kenny and Butters home now." Tweek assures me.

Butters nods. I know he can't stand for long and his foot must be killing him. Being rejected by me of all people would also be a reason Butters doesn't want to stick around. Even though Butters' body has changed, he's still the same old scared little boy.

"Alright" I choke out.

In a matter of a few seconds I was alone. Alone in the sense of I know no one here. I trust no one here. It makes me uneasy

Clyde practically bounced towards me.

"Hey let's start getting the shit." He was sweating and out of breath. "You alright?"

"Yeah." I wiped my nose.

* * *

Running back into the parking lot when the temperature is below freezing is a bad idea. The gross warm air coming from the bar felt strangely comforting after returning to it. Clyde didn't seem to mind and he was chatting it up with some girls who seemed interested in talking to him. We we're making some money but no one approached me as the night went on. This annoyed me even though I want no one to speak to me I still dislike being ignored. I know Clyde is the performer but they're all clamoring around him to get the same shit. Clyde was spreading himself thin. I just wanted everything to go away. I got another drink from the bar and a new band started playing, sounding like the same group that just went before them. I may be too old for this.

A lull in the crowd happened after that new band supposedly began. I grabbed Clyde's arm.

"Dude." I tried to motion that I wanted to get the fuck out.

"We can leave." I am surprised that he knew what I wanted so quickly. Clyde can be a bit oblivious to things at times. Clyde said that we can count the money when we get home and I would get some. I agreed not caring. I'm extremely tired and nauseous.

When we walked outside again it was like being punched in the face this time. I just followed Clyde back to the car. I'm impressed I didn't vomit on the way. Sitting down in Clyde's car was the best thing ever. Clyde got into the driver's seat and started the car.

"Are you sure you're alright Craig?" His voice sounded super loud.

"Thanks Clyde. I think I love you..." I slurred out not answering him.

He laughs and tells me to pass out. My brain starts to reason that sleeping is the best way to reset my self. I wish sleeping would reset my life like the way it does my body.

**AN: "****I won't change anything about myself or do anything differently. I don't even know what that's like; the idea of pandering is so strange and horrible and I'm sure I'd fail at it, anyway." - ****Emily Haines**


	8. Interlude

Being held down by the waist and hearing Kenny purr as I moaned in protest made me feel alive. Butters having his strong arms wrapped around my feeble wrists telling me that I was going to be punished made me even harder. Clothes disappeared and being double teamed by two strong guys is all I could ask for. Butters forced his cock in my mouth while Kenny thrashed into my ass without a care. Butters' dick frequently hit my gag reflex but I powered through. I was a rubbing myself but Butters pulled out and tied my hands around my back. I'm not sure where he acquired rope but I was too excited and exultant to care. Kenny slapped my ass and moaned. It was so vivid. The scene changed and I was laying on Kenny and Butters was on top of me. They both stuffed their cocks in at once. It was so amazing to be sandwiched between these two gods. It didn't take long for me to come.

* * *

My eyes opened. I was disappointed that my fantasy wasn't real but glad that the pay off was. I peeked into my underwear that I was wearing to check that I did orgasm. I've had this weird fascination with coming in my underwear since I was in high school. I would nervously jerk off in the bathroom for the thrill and then walk around to my classes soiled with semen. It's weird and I know I'm weird. I told Craig about my fetish one time and he looked at me like I tried to bite his dick off. Prude.

I stretched to crack my joints and to wake myself up. I'm so glad that I guilt my parents to letting us take off the day after Halloween. They played it off that we were youthful enough to still enjoy the frivolous holiday. I removed my shirt because I needed to shower. I still smelled like that disgusting bar. I walked towards my door but I stepped on a folded piece of paper. That was odd. It stuck to my foot so I shook it off and picked it up. My name was written in what looked like a very shaky cursive. I peeled it open shaking in curiosity.

_Dear Tweek,_

_ I hope to have slipped this under your door after you fell asleep. I don't want you to stop me. I'm sorry I continue to disappoint everyone. I'm sorry that I couldn't be the hero I wanted to be. Shucks I couldn't even be selfish like I wanted to be. I couldn't have my cake or eat it. I wish I could rewind everything. Everyday became harder and harder to stay happy. I don't think I have genuinely smiled in the past year. I'm getting off track. Tweek, I'm sorry you have to find me, I know you can be jumpy but please be strong and know that it's not your fault. You've been my only true friend since we we're little. Please be strong after I'm gone._

_Butters._

I didn't believe what I just read. My stomach revolted. My throat began to close. I grabbed for the doorknob not ready to go into the hallway.

Butters' bedroom door was open and my feet could only shuffle because I was afraid of what I might find. I briefly glanced in but he wasn't hanging and there wasn't any blood anywhere. I breathed a sigh of slight relief and continued onto the closed bathroom. I had to collect myself. My heart was pounding like I was having a heart attack. We couldn't be two dead bodies in the bathroom. I was psyching myself up. Breathe in and out Tweek. I told myself. I turned the knob. Click.

**AN: I was going to release this with the next chapter, The Past, but I've been taking a long time to do this (because I'm lazy). They do go together, fun fact: This chapter was originally going to be called The Past pt. II. Thanks for reading and or reviewing!~**


	9. The Past

Oh, pretty boy, you've got it pretty wrong. You've got bruises on your knees. These situations are never kind. Well attractions are always odd. You're just a prince, frustrated. I'm feeling fine, feeling impatient. I'm pulling at my seat belt. I'm leaping off my saddle. I'm just shuffling my feet around.

Can my heart beat any faster? I'm not a believer it doesn't matter. I think I made it, did I make it? I think I faked it, did I fake it? I think I can take it, did I take it? Oh, pretty boy, I don't think you can take it. I think I hate it, do I hate it? I think I blew it, did I blow it?

I remember. I remember being sixteen and scrawny. I remember being too nervous to be straight-forward so I scribbled down my number and that I was his secret admirer. I slipped it in his locker feeling like a spy or a ninja.

The rest of that day I was a nervous wreck and he kept the same expression, even after I knew he dug around his locker. I hope he found it or I didn't slip it into the wrong one. I would be so stupid if I did.

I went home that day making sure to do all my chores correctly so I wouldn't get grounded. I needed to hover over my phone like a hawk. It was an eternity before the phone rang. I would psych myself up and think it rang but when it did finally ring. Oh boy, my heart jumped into my throat.

I picked up afraid to say anything but he cut me off.

"Who is this? Is this a fucking prank?" He seemed angry.

"No. It's me, Butters." I felt defeated already.

"Oh."

There was an awkward silence between us just breathing into our phones.

"You like me?" His voice quivered.

"Yeah."

"Hm. Come over my house this weekend."

I was flabbergasted "Sure?"

"My parents will be gone." He assured me.

"Alright." We told each other that we would see each other tomorrow and hung up.

I was so ecstatic that I didn't sleep that night. I didn't even dread going to school exhausted. Craig started talking to me in our art class that we shared. He even invited me to sit with his gang of friends at lunch. I was glad I got to become a turncoat. Kenny and his friends particularly liked to pick on me and I was getting sick of it.

Once it was lunch I did get weird stares from my old crew but Clyde, Tweek, and Token, were nice enough to include me in their conversation and not berate me.

Telling Craig I liked him was the best thing I could have done or so I thought.

I tried to speed the week along so it could be Saturday and I would get to see Craig in his natural habitat. Sleeping the days away helped me but the dreams would just excite me more.

At school we became closer enough that I didn't feel weird to wave or smile at him in the halls. He would occasionally smile back and that made me melt.

It was finally the weekend and standing outside in the freezing cold waiting for him to answer the door bell was right. I was right in doing this, I tell myself now.

His tall, slender self opened the door and greeted me. We immediately whisked off to his room. I thought it would be messier than it actually was.

We sat on his bed together.

"What do you want to talk to about?" He asked flatly.

"Oh, hamburgers, I don't know really."

"We could play Gin Rummy. Tweek doesn't like to play with me anymore. He says I cheat. He's a fucking sore loser." Craig ranted while going to grab a pack of playing cards from his drawer.

"Do you cheat?" Is the first thing I think to say. I'm so stupid. He smiles.

I didn't know how to play but he explained the rules to me. I know my grandmother likes to play Gin Rummy.

After easily losing to him I inquired "Hey do you know how to play Spit?"

Craig leaned forward getting closer to me as I reached for the deck of cards and he half smiled, he told me. "Hell yeah, I do."

After slapping my hand onto Craig's hand because I was too slow for what seemed like the hundredth time, my phone buzzed.

"My parents want me home." I frowned.

"Bummer." He stopped smiling too.

I walked home thinking of him. Craig's pretty weird. He's not just some mean, cold asshole everyone pegs him to be. I think he just wanted a friend.

* * *

For a few weeks now I've been trying to integrate myself with Craig and his friends and it has worked. Craig and I would hang out over the weekends. He even came to my god forsaken house. I recall telling him to be on his best behavior and to not flip them off. He didn't.

He was at my house when I first kissed Craig. We were watching TV and laughing together. I just had the courage to climb on top of him. I was expecting a punch and not for him to grab on to me.

The more we met up the less innocent we were. We were no longer playing Gin Rummy and laughing about Clyde and Tweek.

We were making out and I was throwing myself at him.

After one of the many quick hand jobs I gave Craig. "I'm not...forcing you to do anything you don't want right?" My hand was sticky but Craig handed me a tissue.

"What no." Craig squinted.

"Good." I sighed.

* * *

It was already getting close to Christmas again in South Park. I was nervous that he wouldn't like my present that I got him. I bought Craig a Red Racer figurine. It was a collector's edition. It cost me a lot but it was worth seeing Craig smile when we got together to exchange presents and other things. He bought me a cheesy I'm with stupid t-shirt.

"You're not stupid." I said candidly.

"I know, I just want you to be like Kenny's mom. Start a meth lab with me." We meanly chuckled at Kenny's misfortune.

That was the night I asked if we could go all the way. I just wanted Craig to see me in a way he hasn't before. Having Craig inside me like that made me feel accomplished like I did something right for once.

We continued this friends with benefits like relationship for the next few months but Craig's friends started to get suspicious.

Clyde would bluntly tell Craig to stop fucking me with his eyes. Funny how things change.

* * *

This end of an era. I could never get past just being deluded.

The day Craig told me that we should just be friends was a terrible day. I knew he was bored with me but Craig was always bored. He never told me why. He just dropped the bomb on me at school.

It drove me crazy. I was too embarrassed to sit with them at lunch anymore so I came crawling back to my old friends. This solidified me wanting to get the hell out of South Park because I never truly fit in. Tweek and Clyde seemed hurt that I ditched them but I wasn't stable when I was near Craig.

Kenny noticed my return and my sad state. He pulled me aside when we were walking home together one day.

"Are you alright?" He muffled through his parka. His face was red from the freezing cold.

"Not...really." I shivered.

"What's wrong with my normally cheery Butters?" This made me cry. I'm not sure why. It got me to invite Kenny into my house and spill everything to him. I know Craig and I promised each other to secrecy but I wanted someone to know.

"Oh. Butters you know what I do when I'm pissed off over someone who broke my heart?"

"What?" I wiped tears away.

"Get really drunk and high." He snickered.

"Kenny...let's do it." I wanted to feel better and there was no way I could tell my parents that I wanted to kill myself again especially over a boy. I didn't want to go back to a pray away the gay camp.

I started drinking and smoking with Kenny on the regular. It turned into I would let him fuck me for booze and weed. It was a win win situation for me. I let my grades slip and I was slacking off in my parents demanding requests.

My immoral habits were so bad that I was caught red handed by my parents. I'm lucky that it wasn't the police my mother scolded. I knew I deserved to be grounded for months.

This was around the time when I signed up for the army. I told Kenny I was going to do it when we were high and before I was caught.

"You? Butters. That's fucking nuts!" He laughed.

"No it's not! I can do it, fucking watch me."

I remember telling my parents after I was on lock down about the army and they were so proud of me. That was the only time they were though. After I left South Park, I wrote letters to them but I wrote less and less to stop speaking to them. They sent me letters even when I didn't write back to them. I did tell them that I was honorably discharged and staying in Delaware to recover. They don't know I returned to South Park yet.

My last year of high school was bittersweet. I wasn't allowed to hang out with Kenny anymore so I licked my wounds and started hanging around Craig and his friends again. I wanted to start back up with Craig but I knew that wasn't a good idea so I refrained myself.

The fall and winter that year dragged on. I think it was since I wanted to start training. I wanted to be buff and more manly.

Though that January might have been the worst January for anyone living in South Park.

First, Craig was kicked out of his house for being gay with Clyde Donovan. Our lunch table became known as the fag table. Token ditched us because of it. I don't know if I can ever forgive him. Craig and Clyde started getting into fights over being gay. It really stressed Tweek and I out.

Two weeks later, South Park lost three young people in a tragic car accident. I was surprised my parents even agreed to let me go to the viewing and funeral.

At that funeral seeing the two boys I was closest to sob like that was heart wrenching. The fact that people had the nerve to still fuck with Craig after that awfulness still bothers me to this day.

* * *

Getting on the plane and heading off to boot camp was exhilarating. I was worked like a dog for two years. It was exhausting and eventually crushed me. The letters I would get from my family and Kenny would send a quick note every once in a while kept my spirits up. It was nice to hear their kind words in written form.

I was broken though. I wanted to get out of the army. I needed to get back to South Park. I wanted to be happy again. I wanted Craig again. Even though my hometown made me miserable, I was still miserable when I left it. My injury was no accident.

After being discharged and in a hospital for a bit, I was glad to be back in Colorado. Nothing had changed, people were gone but the people that were still there were the same. I'm glad that my only friends were still there.

Moving into Tweek's was a plan of mine. I knew his family would be kind enough to let me stay. Hell, they may even help me. I'm as crazy as Tweek is and I think that's why we get along so well. We understand each other. I adjusted to life here and it was refreshing but I had to screw it up by trying to get back with Craig.

I did miss him and when we did text each other I was purposefully flirting and he flirted back. I lost my mind on Halloween though, he looked so gorgeous and I had to ask him.

"I have to go to the bathroom. Want to come?" I know it was weird to ask him to accompany me to the bathroom but it was too loud to interrogate him in the crowd.

I went into one of the stalls and while pissing I made sure to not be nervous and that I can do it. I flushed and walked out to go wash my hands.

"You alright?" He dulled out. This is my chance.

"Yeah. I wanted to ask you this question though first I couldn't really ask it out there." I wrung my hands together under the water. "Do you want to be serious again? You know...like d-date?" I stuttered.

"Oh. I'm kind of with Clyde right now. I'm sorry." My heart split in two again. I knew I was silly to do this.

"Don't be sorry. I was just being silly..." I dried my hands on my pants and dashed out of the bathroom in shame.

I felt sick the rest of the night and not because of alcohol. I knew that tonight would be my last.

On the ride home with Tweek and Kenny I let them bicker so I could stay quiet. I hope that they make up but I didn't have the drive to speak up then to fix their problems.

I wrote Tweek my suicide note and slipped it under his door. I went back to my room to grab a belt to choke myself with. I went to Tweek's bathroom to sit in his tub to kill myself.

I wrapped it around my neck being too scared to cut off my own oxygen. I kept talking myself in and out of it for hours crying while doing so. I guess I was too slow because Tweek barreled in insistent and screaming "Jesus Christ! Are you dead!?"

"No..." I choked out.

"Oh my God. Oh my God." Tweek was out of breath.

"I'm sorry... to scare you."

"Don't be! Butters you're my friend too. Please don't take your life, I love you man! You can go get help." Tweek frantically explained.

"Alright." I gave up. Tweek's right. He's most likely the smartest of our group. I'm really glad for it. I owe Tweek after dealing with me. Tears streamed down my face but having Tweek wrap his arms around me made me feel not so alone in the world.

**AN: This story really took off on it's own. I really enjoy writing this but if you enjoy reading Nettle please review so I know and I can feel guilty when I am contemplating to blow off writing the next chapter for another week. Thanks for reading!**


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